I was diagnosed with post-partum depression when Skylar was 4 months old. While my doctor's formal diagnosis was PPD as it was shortly after Skylar was born, she (my doctor) felt that my depression was a preexisting condition based on both my parents having depression as well as what I had told her about my childhood (i'll spare you the details). She placed me on medication and let me know that it was possible I may be on medication for my depression for the rest of my life. I wasn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of possibly having to be on medication 'til the day I die, but I accepted it as I just wanted to feel better, to feel "normal", to feel myself again.
Depression affects everyone differently. For some, once they find a treatment that works well for them, they show very little, if any, signs of depression. For others, while their treatment works well most of the time, once in a while they will have a down day or two. There may not be anything that caused it, and they can't put their finger on any one thing that is wrong or bothering them, but it causes them to slip back into their depressive state for a short period of time. For others still, they slip back into their depressive state for prolonged periods of time. This is the category I fall into. I find that my "bouts" are caused by excess amounts of stress. They can last anywhere from a week or two to month or two. During these times, I do what I have to in order to get through a day, but it takes a lot of effort. Any free time I have I spend in bed. I withdraw from the world as much as possible. I reach out as little as possible, if at all. I dwell on all the negative aspects of my life without giving heed to the positive.
For about the last month, I had been dealing with one of my bouts. It became increasingly worse over the last couple of weeks. While it was the worst bout I've been through, it definitely ranked up there with being one of the worst.
I hit a turning point last Thursday. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure what caused it. All I know is that I began to feel a little better that day and decided I needed to be focusing more on the positive aspects of life rather than the negatives. The stressors that caused my most recent bout are still present, but I've come to a point where I'm just trying to deal with it the best I can without sinking into a major low.
And this is where my many thanks come in. I want to extend a very special thank you to everyone who reached out to me. Many of my friends checked on me on a regular basis to see how I was doing and to see if there was anything they could do. They offered words of wisdom and lent an ear if I decided I wanted to discuss what was on my mind. You all know who you are, and I could never fully express how much it meant to me. When it seems all hope is gone, it's nice to know there are friends willing to help in any way possible. I can only hope i can return the favor in any way, shape or form. I love you all,
Happy Reading -
~ Michelle
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